Designated Driver

The "Drunk Dial" came in at approximately 6:29:47 pm. It must have been something in in their mischievous tone, or the slur of their speech, or maybe it was their excitement when coaxing, (while passing the phone back and forth, like a couple of teens on a sleep over) that enticed me into agreeing to taxi my two intoxicated friends out to the Corner Bar last night. I was honored that they summoned me as their driver and witness for what I expected to be a fun and impromptu little outing, with two of the silliest pals you could ever venture out with.

So, without hesitation, (and against my better judgement), I immediately combed my hair, threw on some mascara and earrings, and the, "Voice of Reason" was out the door and on her way. Surprisingly, the blurred directions scribbled on my post-it were sufficient and I arrived to pick them up, without incident.

      As I pulled into the driveway, I could hear Pearl, "Woo-hooing", above the sound of my blasting car horn. Once Asil and Pearl were safely strapped in, we headed west towards the corner bar, the radio blaring and both girls, simultaneously telling me which way to turn. I assured both girls that I was there, not only for some fun, but I would make sure they didn't get hurt, wind up in the hospital, get arrested, taken to detox, and would make sure they were safely returned to home.We arrived shortly, found a nearby parking spot and headed for the corner bar. 

     As we made our way through the back alley, like a shiny penny, a man holding an ice cream sundae, caught Pearl's attention.  As Asil and I continued on, we started walking backwards, and intently listened, as Pearl approached the gentleman and asked if she could have a little taste of his sundae. With a big smile, this generous man, dug into the ice cream, (making sure the spoonful had a bit of chocolate topping and whipped cream) and pointed the spoon towards Pearl. "M-mmm, thaaank-you, she mumbled". I couldn't help but comment to the man, "You might wanna get yourself a new spoon!", We giggled, and turned around and kept walking towards our destination.           

Walking into the corner bar, it seemed like Asil and Pearl were like "Norm" walking into the "Cheers Bar", where everybody knows your name.  We made our way to our pub height table, while Pearl commented with approval, to a gentleman sporting a patriotic top hat.  As we adjusted our chairs and pulled another table next to ours, I was introduced to several interesting folks, with big friendly smiles, all with warm and approachable personalities.  As Pearl and Asil became reacquainted with the folks they invited to our table, the attention was now focused on a Mr. Wolfe. He seemed kind and interesting and mentioned that his class reunion was being held tonight, just down the street. It was decided by Asil that everyone must "drink up" and tag along with Mr. Wolfe to his Class of 1970 Reunion. 

As we ventured down the street towards the pub,  the cheerful sound of a live Irish band meets us as it lofts out the front door, and carries up the city block. We start stepping in time to the jig as we make our way 

across the empty wooden dance floor and down the stairs to the private party. To our dismay, blocking the entrance was the party Nazi! Some overly-organized, bundle of cheep- uptight party- planning, piece of buzz killing, ugly polyester-dress wearing, Post-High School-wannabe popular,washed up, Kill-Joy, who I will refer to as, "Mrs. Bitter". 

While Mr. Wolfe registered, applied his name-tag and paid his $30,  (fee for stale pretzels, wilted veggies and dip, and meaningless small talk), Pearl, Asil and I slinked past the registration desk. As Asil quickly started to work the room, amongst all the strangers, Pearl and I were detained by the Party Nazi Mrs. Bitter. "And who are you?" she so rudely inquired. "I am Roxi Wolfe, Tom's wife, and this is our daughter Pearl", I explained. Mrs. Bitter responded disapprovingly with, "Well, this is for Classmates only!". I barked back, "Well, our daughter is our designated driver" and turned away, glancing at Pearl's pint of Guinness and sneering.

Pearl and I both enjoyed a sinister laugh, then turned and made our way to the other side of the room where we caught up to Asil and the new friends she was quickly making. Mrs. Bitter soon approached Asil and demanded that she also identify herself. Giving an Academy Award worthy performance, Asil explained that she to was the wife of Mrs. Wolfe. So as we once again received the stink eye from Mrs. Bitter, we decided the fun of mingling with the guests didn't outweigh the hassle factor, so we waved goodbye to Mr. Wolfe and danced our way back up the stairway to the Pub. After Asil and Pearl finished their pints, we strolled back to the corner bar. 

 After a few minutes passed, Mr. Wolfe returned, with a large case of Class Reunion attendance remorse, muttering something about telling his classmates that he was a Mormon, and something else about, "I didn't want to talk to you back then, and I don't want to talk to you now"........Mr. Wolfe slid in his chair, made himself comfortable, while enjoying the current moment more than what was going on back at the pub. As we chuckled about the rudeness of Mrs. Bitter, Mr. Wolfe shared his conversation, about how he had tried to convince his inquisitive former classmates that he was a practicing Mormon!

After the sudden spill of a beer bottle from the nearby table, and an empty wine glass falling to the tile floor and breaking, Pearl starts to yawn and Asil develops a furious case of the hiccups. Then for the trifecta, we witnessed this overly intoxicated young girl tip and fall down in the recently swept up pile of glass and melting ice cubes. The fall then triggers a unanimous decision to call it a night. 

As we headed for home, we reviewed the warm conversation and hilarious events of the evening. Once again, both Asil and Pearl expressed their gratitude towards me, for responding to their drunk dial so favorably, by coming to get them and bringing them to the Corner Bar and safely back home.

So you see....the moral of the story is, "When you receive a drunk-dial, don't ever hesitate to go and join your friends, see to it they have a good time and get them back home safely". Who knows, it just might be "you" drunk dialing them some day!




Can you recall a time where "you" were the designated driver?

(*Please remember to change the names involved, to protect their shining reputations).

Guilty Pleasures

Even though I don’t feel that guilty:

Staying in my Pajama’s until noon on the weekends.
Eating chocolate ice cream.
Sitting in the bathtub soaking with a bottle of Labatt’s Blue.
The tanning bed, can you stay awake in there? I can’t.
Face book - to say I am an addict, does not even cover it.
Walking threw the mall with a white chocolate mocha.
Deep Dish Pizza, the kind that has you hearing my arteries harden.
Reading for free at Barnes and Nobel.
“borrowing” music from friends and driving around with no particular goal other than to blast it.
Taking off my steel toes while working.
Website’s with free Sudoku puzzles, Mahjong and Post secret.
Buying fresh flowers.
Watching a guys in tight jeans.
Buying a new victoria secret bath and lotions, before I use up the old ones.

What are your Guilty Pleasures?

What would you do if you had a tail?

I'm going to step outside the box, once again and tell you about something I've given a lot of thought to..... What would I do if I had a tail? There is no end to the possibilities of having a tail. I went and Googled this subject, and to my surprise there were several articles on this and even a published book on the very subject. I sincerely thought I was the first person to delve this deeply into the subject. But no, I'm not the first and clearly will not be the last person to ponder this very thought.
So at any rate, I'm going to start my rant now, with the many scenarios going around in my imagination and all it entails...

Maybe I would wear clothing that had a hole at the base of the tail, to show off my tail. Would young people "show their tails", would senior citizens "cover their tails". Would people have their tails pierced, or grow dreadlocks and corn rows? Would there be tail groomers that you could visit? Like going to the hair dressers? Would people attend beauty school and specialize in "Tail Grooming?". What kind of tails would the stars have? You can bet the stars would have their tails modified in many ways. Tail shortening, tail lengthening, died, braided, woven, spiked, beaded, tied, split, or God forbid amputated. Would people use their tails for fashion, pleasure, or for functional purposes?

Third world countries with hygiene issues may have to form an agency, to deal with certain aspects of health issues. How about the "WTA" The World Tail Agency.
Tail jewelery, tail cuffs, tail collars. How about a handy tail pocket on your jeans?
If your tail was steadily wagging, when you greeted your "special someone", would they know you were wanting some intimacy? What if people were judged on the size or length of their tails?

What if someone broke into your home and assaulted you with their tail? Would they "High-Tail" it out of there?

Would couches and chairs have to be modified, in order to accommodate ones tail? Would lovers go for walks with their tails entwined? What if you got your tail tied up with an other's tail and couldn't get your tails separated? Surely your health insurance wouldn't cover that. Could chasing your own tail be a work-out routine or remain just a figure of speech?

So you are at the club, dancing with your friends; would you be wagging your tail fiercely and would you spin your date around by their tail? Say your favorite team just scored a touch down, would you "High-Tail" the person next to you? You can bet that there would be "Vegas Tail Shows" at "Caesar's Palace" with scantily clad beauties, in fancy costumes, wagging their tails all over the stage.

Now on to the practical side of the tail. So you make yourself a little snack, grab your bag of chips and as you are heading back into the living room, you realize that you forgot your soda on the counter and you will have to make an extra trip back to the kitchen to get it. Not the case, just wrap your tail around your soda and viola, you've got it!

No longer would Neil Young and Bob Dylan need to use their strap on harmonica devices, when they sing, play their guitars and harmonica's.  Just grab your harmonica by the tail and you are set! Who's the greatest drummer in the land? Put another drumstick in their tail and listen to the beat now! Say so long to the microphone lapel clip, just use your tail to hold the microphone.

Then there are sports applications for the tail. Let's see your favorite major league pitcher throw a no hitter game with their muscle bound tail. Reading a good book outside and the flies are biting? Just use your tail to swat the flies, and never miss a word. You know how you are out clothes shopping and have your arms full with several garments? The sales clerk sees you struggling to browse and offers to put your items in a dressing room, while you continue to shop? Well, no need to stop and lighten your load, your tail can hold it all, while you keep on browsing!

What would YOU do if you had a tail?

(This is proprietary information, no part of this post may be used without written permission by myself.)

what if you could do anything?

What if you could do anything?

What if money were no object? If there were no responsibilities? Would you try to become famous? Learn to fly? Lose a few pounds?

Go on a special hunt?

Buy that motorcycle?

Travel around the world? Start a business? Stop the war? Build a dream house? Recover from an addiction? Fix the economy?

Feed the starving?

 

Save lives with super powers? Cure a previously incurable disease? Find that person who knows exactly how to love you without ever being told?

I think about this all the time. What would I do? I would do all the things I listed above. Constantly dreaming yet drowned by reality. I’ve gotten to do a lot of things people told me I would never be able to do.

I hope to make a new list and start completing it. My life has followed an order of my accomplishments or achievements that made me feel just as much complete as empty. Because by the time I finished whatever it was I started and reached that place I sure didn’t feel the way I thought I would.

My first dream is to break free of my regular life. I don’t know who will be in the passengers seat. But someday I just want to jump in my car and drive to California.

To smell the ocean and feel the burning sand on my feet. Then slide down a mountain the same day. I want to do it on a whim. For instance: Get done with a day at work, jump in the car start heading for home, but have the power to turn that car west and have enough jones to get there. I used to have this immeasurable zest for life and unlimited passion for experiences that has been on the back burner for too long.

My other dream, that I don’t know how to start,
that I would do. Is find a way for lost souls to unite.

I don’t know how I would do it? if I try this last dream and it fails what will I be left with in the end? I sometimes wonder if I am better off never knowing.

What would you do, if you could do anything?

Kissing.

My first kiss was probably when I was about eight; I remember vaguely receiving it and being embarrassed. I was on the bus sitting between these two boys playing go bots (like transformers) all of a sudden they both kissed me at the same time on opposite cheeks. I wasn't interested in boys much then, trees, lego blocks, and cabbage patch kids were far more interesting. I think I did like to show off to boys, but I didn't expect any reaction other than distain, and if I got any other reaction I ran!

Cutting to the present day I feel I am in a position to be able to be objective about kissing. I haven't kissed that many people but enough to realize just how much kisses varies from person to person. Some don't open their mouth at all, some don't hold a kiss for long, some try to stick their tongue down your throat, some kiss hard, some kiss soft, some vary their kiss, others have one technique that they use over and over. Some pull your hair, rub your back, your neck. I hate hair pullers. Hate. I honestly want to punch anyone that pulls my hair! What is the damn deal?

A persons physical attributes affect how they kiss, most obviously the size of someone's lips, also the length of someone's tongue, the softness of their lips, the taste of their mouth, the shape of their teeth.

All these things are what make kissing so intimate and special. You can have 'your kiss' with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It is only yours and if you split up you can't recreate that kiss with anyone else. I’m actually not sure why you would want to.

Remember your first kiss?

Another Giant Chair Sighting

Location is in Plymouth, Minnesota
Highway 55 and Industrial Boulevard (I'm just sayin')

Here is my latest giant chair discovery. It's too bad that the only other person along was my photographer. This chair was large enough for three people. This size was far easier to climb into than the super giant kind. So when you are sitting in a giant lawn chair like this, on a beautiful sunny day, wouldn't an ice-cold beer taste good?  Especially if it were sized in the scale of the chair!

I'm starting to develop an obsession with giant chairs

It all started on the way to Chippewa Falls Wisconsin. This giant adirondak chair captured my interest, so I coaxed my fellow traveler's to climb up into the chair and pose for a photo.

On our way to the Leinenkugel's Brewery,
Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin.

Three girls on the "time-out chair"
Lowertown, St. Paul

Then, just last week, I was driving through Grand Rapids Minnesota and to my surprise, I spotted another big green adirondak chair. It was on the corner of Highway 169 and Highway 2. I yearned to stop for a photo, but my traveling companion wouldn't stop. As I sadly peered into my side mirror, I watched as the giant green chair got smaller, and smaller, until I could no longer see it. I vowed quietly to myself that I would be back that way again some day and would spend time with the chair, and proudly have my photo taken.

Check this out for some big stuff

http://thebigstuffproject.blogspot.com/2007/10/giant-adirondack-chair.html

Check this out for Adirondak chair plans

http://www.buildeazy.com/fp_adirondackchair_std.html

So long, until my next giant chair sighting.

Mona's Chateau Gift Shop

Now available at Mona's Chateau Gift Shop. Check out this sporty new pink T-Shirt with matching sombrero. Available in sizes Small to XL. This poly/cotton blend T-Shirt is available in the following colors; pink, red, green, orange, purple, grey, teal, short bus yellow, black, beige, egg-shell, off white tan, and bone.

CND 5.0 Mona's Chateau
Where the bad girls go!

 Shark-Hula Girl Centerpiece
a must have for your patio parties!

Mona's Chateau Custom Beer Mug!

Needing a nap in a big way!!

When you think you just couldn't have any more fun on vacation, it's time to go home.....

CND 5.0 A Complete Success

A fun time was ordered up and delivered, once again at Mona's Chateau. A total of 7 guests participated in the 5th Annual CND event held last week. All I can say is, "Wow am I tired!"

The only injuries reported were a skinned shin, a bee sting, assorted small mysterious bruises, and a broken "Best of Tom Jones" CD. Missing items were as follows; an attachment to an air pump and a therapeutic pillow. The pillow was located and will be returned to the rightful owner as soon as possible.

A big thank you to Mona and the staff at Mona's Chateau, for making this year's event the best ever! I'm sure all the guests would have to agree that there was no shortage of food, cocktails, games, prizes, and good cheer. I'm sure all the guests enjoyed the Chateau's interior upgrades as well as the new outdoor swimming pool. 

Also new at Mona's Chateau lounge was a fabulous Smoothie machine, enjoyed by guests using their extended stay package, as well as a  Romantic dinner for three at Rocky Point Resort.

Next year's upgrades to the Chateau, should be a bunk house and a Tiki Bar. Get your reservations in early, as the Chateau tends to fill up quickly. ---I'm just sayin'

"Next Year's theme will be the First Annual CND Special Olympics!"

Love?

Love such a small simplistic word, even by definition it remains so basic.

Its amazing how we humans can complicate things to such a degree that it can tear at our souls, so much so, that we lay awake immersed in tears and pain. Its a pain I've felt before so no doubt I will feel it again.

we always ask "why we do it, why fall in love?" but we do it anyway, and you know what, its worth it.

That's what it is to love, you accept the pain as well as the joy.
I now understand the pain a little more.

In love we are both teachers and students, in love we are all children. For our love is ageless, our love is timeless. We teach love to those who hate, we teach those unlearned.

We teach so that those lost in the ways of love can embrace it as they go out into the world. May the teachings of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them.

We do not know where love is born we only know that it can't be hidden or tossed to the wayside.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched and whose have touched yours are always a part of you. Love can transpose the stretches of time and distance, providing nourishment to those depleted of its energy.

In all interactions let our love be a part of the lives we share. Let our love embrace and entwine us in a soulful dance, or simply let me close my eyes and feel your embrace.

Grand or simplistic any amount of love shared with you fills my soul. Yes, even if the encounters were less than we would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than the form.

Love simply is Love.

Embarrasing moments

I get embarrassed once in a while when something stupid happened, unwanted personal flaws, bad attention….definitely not as often as I used to. So I’ll share cause its too funny to keep to myself.

I heard recently on the radio that if we don't want to say a certain word our brain will react in the way that we end up saying it. A fact I learnt too late. Makes sense. 10th grade I am up in front of the whole class reading a paper on micro organisms for just a split second I thought to myself (don’t say orgasm) then I did say micro orgasm…Public speaking is really now the only thing I fear. I hate talking in front of people.

One time when I was out at the bars I needed to go to the toilet but they were very dirty. I decided to do the hovering trick but as I was mid-urination I slipped on the wet floor wedged my head between the toilet and the floor I don’t know who was in the stall next to me, my only hope is that they were drunk as I was so they are not sure what happened.

walking downtown St. Cloud about 14 years ago looking for a friend I was supposed to meet - rather wet and windy it was. While approaching the telephone terminals. (that its even rare to see anymore). I spotted my friend with his back to me at the end terminal. He's rather distinctive - really tall, skinny with a mass of rats nest looking black hair under a ball cap, and he always wears this old beat up jean jacket. I crept up behind him and slapped him really hard on the back of the head and quickly ducked down...!! To my absolute horror this young woman turned around screaming and shouting...!!!! Oops.

After speech class in middle school I had health, so I went to my classroom and sat down. The room was dark, and there was a movie on in the front. I looked around my classroom in the dark and took a seat. There were some members of a different class there this time. I saw a few familiar faces, after sitting there a while I noticed there were no girls. I was the only girl in there….and the movie that was on…it was….sex ed….and I was….in the wrong room. The girls all went to a different room!!!

My friends and I were riding bikes, and some guys challenged us to a race. I was leading and turned around to make sure no one was near me. I crashed into a parked car and a set of trash cans.

What are your embarrassing moments?

Customized casualwear now available in "Mona's Chateau" gift shop

Be the very first on your block to purchase the most up-to-date and very trendy customized outerwear at "Mona's Chateau Gift Shop". Bring your own garment to the Chateau and our staff will gladly customize it to your liking. Be a trend setter and show off your new "Chateau Wear" like the fashion goddess you are! Whether it is a stylish hoodie, grape smuggler, or bandanna, the sky's the limit on our customizing. Be conservative or daring, it's for you to decide. Be the envy of Lake of the Woods with your new "Chateau Wear".