What would you do if you had a tail?

I'm going to step outside the box, once again and tell you about something I've given a lot of thought to..... What would I do if I had a tail? There is no end to the possibilities of having a tail. I went and Googled this subject, and to my surprise there were several articles on this and even a published book on the very subject. I sincerely thought I was the first person to delve this deeply into the subject. But no, I'm not the first and clearly will not be the last person to ponder this very thought.
So at any rate, I'm going to start my rant now, with the many scenarios going around in my imagination and all it entails...

Maybe I would wear clothing that had a hole at the base of the tail, to show off my tail. Would young people "show their tails", would senior citizens "cover their tails". Would people have their tails pierced, or grow dreadlocks and corn rows? Would there be tail groomers that you could visit? Like going to the hair dressers? Would people attend beauty school and specialize in "Tail Grooming?". What kind of tails would the stars have? You can bet the stars would have their tails modified in many ways. Tail shortening, tail lengthening, died, braided, woven, spiked, beaded, tied, split, or God forbid amputated. Would people use their tails for fashion, pleasure, or for functional purposes?

Third world countries with hygiene issues may have to form an agency, to deal with certain aspects of health issues. How about the "WTA" The World Tail Agency.
Tail jewelery, tail cuffs, tail collars. How about a handy tail pocket on your jeans?
If your tail was steadily wagging, when you greeted your "special someone", would they know you were wanting some intimacy? What if people were judged on the size or length of their tails?

What if someone broke into your home and assaulted you with their tail? Would they "High-Tail" it out of there?

Would couches and chairs have to be modified, in order to accommodate ones tail? Would lovers go for walks with their tails entwined? What if you got your tail tied up with an other's tail and couldn't get your tails separated? Surely your health insurance wouldn't cover that. Could chasing your own tail be a work-out routine or remain just a figure of speech?

So you are at the club, dancing with your friends; would you be wagging your tail fiercely and would you spin your date around by their tail? Say your favorite team just scored a touch down, would you "High-Tail" the person next to you? You can bet that there would be "Vegas Tail Shows" at "Caesar's Palace" with scantily clad beauties, in fancy costumes, wagging their tails all over the stage.

Now on to the practical side of the tail. So you make yourself a little snack, grab your bag of chips and as you are heading back into the living room, you realize that you forgot your soda on the counter and you will have to make an extra trip back to the kitchen to get it. Not the case, just wrap your tail around your soda and viola, you've got it!

No longer would Neil Young and Bob Dylan need to use their strap on harmonica devices, when they sing, play their guitars and harmonica's.  Just grab your harmonica by the tail and you are set! Who's the greatest drummer in the land? Put another drumstick in their tail and listen to the beat now! Say so long to the microphone lapel clip, just use your tail to hold the microphone.

Then there are sports applications for the tail. Let's see your favorite major league pitcher throw a no hitter game with their muscle bound tail. Reading a good book outside and the flies are biting? Just use your tail to swat the flies, and never miss a word. You know how you are out clothes shopping and have your arms full with several garments? The sales clerk sees you struggling to browse and offers to put your items in a dressing room, while you continue to shop? Well, no need to stop and lighten your load, your tail can hold it all, while you keep on browsing!

What would YOU do if you had a tail?

(This is proprietary information, no part of this post may be used without written permission by myself.)